Life as a Military Wife

by Senior Airman Elizabeth Van Patten, 94th Airlift Wing Public Affairs

Her favorite role in life is wife and best friend to her retired military man - a dentist by trade.

After all, her mother had told her she had really rotten teeth, and that when she found a good dentist she had better keep him. So she did, through thick and thin, even after she divorced then remarried him.

She says she loves to laugh, which became more apparent throughout her seminar, as she cracked jokes about some of the decisions and wrong turns she had taken through life.

Guest speaker, Robin Harnist is a former U.S. Air Force combat specialist and a national speaker and trainer. Her experiences made it easy for her to relate to her audience, and vice versa.

Lunch at the Mansour Center was complimentary for female Reservists, spouses, veterans and Department of Defense civilians, courtesy of Stonecrest Ministries in partnership with the 94th Airlift Wing Chaplains Office.

Free childcare was offered, great musical performances entertained during lunch and great gifts were given out at the door, but what was the real highlight was the keynote speaker.

Through her special blend of warmth and humor, Harnist offered life-saving tips to weather life's crazy storms via her presentation of "Throw me a Lifeline! Mine's too short!"

Pulling from her experiences as a self-proclaimed rebel, an Air Force Airman and military wife she spoke colorfully about disappointment, but also how she gained by leaning on her military sisters.

When she and her family were stationed overseas on Guam and her husband became sick, was shipped to Hawaii then San Antonio to be taken care of, and Harnist found herself without family she could depend on.

"The phone call was from my friend Beth, my family physician," said Harnist. "It's not good news. I couldn't even fall apart because I had three little girls who depended on me, on this tiny shipyard of an island, so far from my family."

"I had an incredible military family, that I didn't even know existed until crisis hit," continued Harnist. "Isn't crisis kind of like that? All of a sudden, my military sisters poured out of the woodwork. They came along and supported me. When I got sick, they took care of my children. They got me to the hospital. They took my children camping."

Eventually, they were relocated to San Antonio where they could be closer to their military hospital. When her husband remained sick, he was forced to get out of the Air Force. He is still sick to this day.

Harnist resorted to different coping mechanisms for support, like eating and spending money.

She posed this outrageous question, "Do I need to divorce this husband and find a healthy one? Life will be happily ever after then, right?"

Not thrilled by that idea, her husband offered to spend some time with his sister, while she sorted things out.

"I thought that was a wonderful idea," said Harnist. "His sister lived in California, way at the top of a mountain. They didn't have a phone back then. The only time they left the mountain was to go into town once a month."

So, she deviously divorced her husband while he was away, sold their house and moved back to her hometown in Massachusetts, taking their children with her.

"Off I went for four miserable months and my heart began to break," said Harnist. "I picked up the phone and called my husband."

She told him she had really messed up, then promptly asked him to come get her and their children. After a long pause, he finally agreed.

"So, when people ask us how long we've been married, we say 29 years, with five months off for bad behavior," joked Harnist.

However, as things went from bad to worse, a hometown friend finally called to give her some tough love, calling her out on her continued bad habits.

"Thank goodness for those friends who tell us those tough things," said Harnist.

Realizing that she loves her husband, but had been showing it so badly, she was able to turn things around by working on that connection directly.

While many of the women attending the luncheon were not in these dire straits, most did nod their heads in agreement at multiple points during the presentation. Some cried openly and some women sat still and listened. Clearly, all there were able to relate in some way.

"It is a hard time to be in the military, whether you're active duty, reservist or a wife," said Harnist. "Take advantage of what we can offer. I know some of you may be hurting."

The majority of the women in the audience were wives of deployed Airmen from Dobbins Air Reserve Base or Reservists from the base themselves.

Integral in the planning of this event, was Chaplain (Maj.) Olga Westfall, 94th Airlift Wing chaplain, who not only was involved in the planning, but also was on-hand to deliver the event's invocation.

"This event was important to help celebrate, salute and support all those who have served in the military, or in a civilian capacity," said Westfall. "During this time, while members of our own unit are deployed, it is important to provide opportunities for women to come together in support of one another."