Does the Tiger Mom Concept Have Teeth?

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community will have a new resource for questions about local neighborhood schools, the best pediatricians, 24-hour pharmacies and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

Moms Talk will also be the place to drop in for a talk about the latest parenting hot topic. So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with a question: Do you know of local moms raising their children in the Tiger Mother's way, and is it the best way?

Jan Katz-Kellogg: The only “Tiger Mom” I ever knew was the mother of a high school girlfriend here in Marietta. Of her three children, one moved to Seattle at 18 years old (my friend), one committed suicide and the last one hasn’t spoken to her mother in 30 years. So much for this type of  “extreme parenting.”

Amy Chua makes it clear that her opinions reflect Asian culture and after reading the Tiger Mother memoir, I really like several of her viewpoints:

1. “Chinese parents believe their kids owe them everything.” I wish I had practiced this attitude from the day my child was born. Now a teenager, he believes just the opposite.
2.  “Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.” Oh, I wish.
3. “One of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up." “Forcing” a child to practice music or homework for hours and not letting them stop when tired teaches discipline success comes after hard work, repetition and sacrifice.

Where I draw the line with the “Tiger Mom’ is her belief  that “the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child.” Those are the same characteristics as a “bully," and the last time I checked, a life filled with ridicule, punishment and shame is called abuse.

Kim Koch: I myself am a child of an immigrant. I was born in Washington D.C., which is a huge diverse mix of cultural differences. My first experience with a real Tiger Mom occurred when we moved to Smyrna, Ga.

She lived right up the street from us, and her son was in class with my younger brother. She was of Asian ancestary, and as diverse as my upbringing had been, she was my first encounter. Her husband was a quiet man for the most part. He would invite a few of the neighborhood youth into his basement so that he could share his love of martial arts with us. He always invited me and my two younger siblings in.

Our friend was allowed to come to our door and ask us to come out into the neighborhood and ride bikes or kick the ball around. His mother even invited us over for food many times. We always took our shoes off at the door and used the most respectful of behavior that we could muster. There was no television in their home.

The first time she went off was in another language , and she meant business. Her son, Peter, told us we all had to leave due to we were being to loud at the table. I found this extreme even as a young child, my grandmother had always taught me little people are to be seen and not heard, but my own parents were very lax, unless you bothered them while they were reading or watching television.