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Community Corner

The Bane of the Teenager One-Word Response

Join members of the Marietta Patch Mom Council as they start a discussion about handling teenagers avoiding parental conversation.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community will have a new resource for questions about local neighborhood schools, the best pediatricians, 24-hour pharmacies and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

Moms Talk will also be the place to drop in for a talk about the latest parenting hot topic. So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with a question: What should I do when my teen gives me one-word answers?

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Jan Katz-Kellogg: This is a phenomenon that cycles through my child’s life every so often. I first remember it at preschool when I was dying to hear what he was doing and thinking, only to be told his day was “fine” and absolutely nothing more. That same thing happens today and things are usually “fine,” even if I don’t get every single detail.

When my son goes through a one-syllable-answer phase, he is usually pondering an issue in his life I eventually hear about. I have learned by experience that it defeats the purpose to interrogate. In fact, the more I listen, the more clues I get to what it really happening. Imagine that–listening as a learning tool! I wasn’t always so good at it and am not perfect at it today. Usually in time, when he’s ready, I get a full account of what the internal conflict is or was and we go from there.

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That is not to say that one-word answers aren’t frustrating.

When I get one-word answers, I try not to show the irritation I immediately feel and instead remind myself of my own teenage years. I was a handful and my son acts so much better than I did at his age. I was a child of the 70s. From the ages between 14 and 17 years old, I thought my parents just weren’t very smart. I didn’t want to talk to them at all. I was trying to form my own opinions, very busy challenging theirs and still had lots of insecurities. Don’t get me wrong. I needed my parents to be there so I could challenge them and their values. It just took me a few more years to realize that the very things I challenged are the very values I cherish today. And I know my son will eventually feel the same.

When and if those occasional one-word answer “phases” are accompanied by another disturbing sign - loss of appetite, slipping grades, etc. - I’ll worry. Until then, I will keep trying to remember how tough it was to transition into an adult and how those phases were a necessary part of it.

Kim Koch:  This is really frustrating, especially if trapped in the car together, running late and trying to enjoy a few fleeting moments with them.

If you get a one-word reply, usually they are texting, in their own mind, or enjoying their music. Give it a few moments and approach the question in a different way.

Instead of asking them, “What time do I pick you up?” and getting less than an appropriate answer, tell them in a positive way what you will be doing with your time while they are at practice. Engage them by making yourself positive and interesting.

After many years of your direction, they just shut it out as they struggle in their own heads for independence.  By making yourself human and not just the authority, you are more than likely going to get a conversation going and receive more information than just the answer to the direct question.

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