How Do You Instill the Importance of Good Manners?

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

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Moms Talk will also be the place to drop in for a talk about the latest parenting hot topic. So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with a question: How do you instill the importance of good manners?

Kim Koch-Manners: It starts with the first words you speak with your baby. Please, Thank You, Yes Sir, No Ma’am. These words spoken with sincerity shine in a person.

Being kind to others shows that you believe in yourself, and our children learn through our actions. Having manners shows that you really care for someone or something other than yourself.  It doesn’t matter what your socioeconomic status is, if manners are taught and applied, you can overcome anything.

In this day and time, manners don’t seem to be taught in the home or school system for many youth. The little things that people do for you are expected rather than appreciated. When you meet people with a sense of self worth and a sincerity that you don’t see in others, more than likely that came from their parents or someone that cared enough to teach them such.

I always beam inside when people comment on the kindness or what good manners my son has, even now that he is a young man. I see success and a life time of love in the future of all young people that find manners important.

Jan Katz-Kellogg: Teaching our kids manners is one of the most important tools we can instill in them-they will directly affect their future success in the world. First impressions are made, good or bad, by manners. Like most adults, I tend to be impressed with kids (of any age) who say “yes m’am “ or “no sir” and show respect for their elders. My 15-year-old son has been taught to practice that habit since he could talk. Even in the midst of the attitudes and occasional moodiness that come with this age, he has those responses ingrained in his brain and acts respectful in spite of himself at times.

The manners learned in sports have also been great for him. Beginning with T-ball when he was three, the boys on the team were expected to line up after each game and shake hands with the opposite team. They all looked a little bewildered and confused, but by the end of the season everyone automatically shook hands without being prompted. It may sound like a little thing; actually that handshake symbolized many important things like acknowledging someone else’s efforts (no matter who won), teaching them that the other team wasn’t their ”enemy” and developing sportsmanship with their peers. The lessons of team sports-learning to win or lose gracefully, listening, accepting direction from strict and sometimes demanding coaches, having to work extra hard to reach a goal to name a few–have had a major impact on his life and how he deals with his problems.
 
As my son approaches manhood, I think it’s more important than ever to make sure his manners stay intact and continue to develop. Manners are not old fashioned and don’t go out of style. The manners he uses with women will hopefully attract a woman who appreciates the respect shown her- and will be mutual. A future employer will be more likely to hire him if he has good manners. I think you get what you give. I want him to be the man who steps forward to open the door of a store for an elderly person, offers to carry a heavy package and opens the car door for a woman. This will mean I did part of my job correctly and instilled in him respect for others. And that’s what good manners really are!