Never Enough Stuff

Why
do we need so much stuff?  In fact, much
of the stuff we think we need only serves to make us miserable. I’m perfectly
happy with my two pairs of shoes and much to my wife’s dismay; I continue to wear
only one of them. The other pair must sit idly by in the closet and wonder what
they did.

We’ve
had this discussion; my wife has about two hundred pairs of shoes. Try as she
may, she cannot find a way to wear, two pair at one time. All those shoes sit
in the closet and call to her, in the night, her stuff haunts her. She is the
only person I know whose stuff has stuff. We moved recently, and much of our
stuff was placed in storage.

So
being a guy, I only imagined I had stuff to worry about. You know, things like.
Is Georgia going to beat South Carolina? Or worse, Georgia lost that game, now
the question has to be asked for another whole year. Was that pig’s foot, on
the ground, too long to pick it up and eat it? If no one sees me pick it up,
did it actually fall, at all? Sorry there are just some foods that are too good
to let a little thing like touching the ground or falling on the table stop you
from eating them. Peanut M&M’s, for example, macaroni and cheese or BBQ
ribs. Is my beer cold enough? Is my steak hot enough and does my wife know
about the two hundred bucks stashed in the garage? Does she know about the girl
next door who keeps asking to go mud bogging in my truck? Will those tires get
me through that mud hole or do I need to buy bigger ones?  What are the two guys names who are running
for president and are either, for or against gun control? These are the true
questions of life, but for a small, uncommonly cute Peruvian woman, the
questions are much more complex.

When
we moved, at least 196 pairs of shoes, eighteen hair brushes and dozens of
coats were placed, with tons of other stuff, in storage. Poor girl has not had
a decent night’s sleep ever since. When we eat dinner out, she gets a little
misty, and we then have to pay a visit to the storage unit, which is out of the
way, and a little too far to go at ten p.m. She must sit in the unit and
console her stuff for a few minutes, trying desperately to make her stuff and
herself feel better about the plight they collectively find themselves in. She
pets and whispers sweet nothings to the abandoned stuff and upon returning home
falls asleep with tears drying on her face. Whimpering in the night is more
likely related to visions of abandoned brushes, not horrific scenes caused by
too many onions at dinner or too many late night horror movies.

Recently
she made a trip to D.C. To prepare for the trip a visit to the storage unit was
required. Of course, the mental fall out of that trip will take weeks for her
and her poor mistreated stuff to get over. She dug and picked through
everything in the unit, to select one coat for the trip. As with each visit,
much more than is needed returned to our already packed, little apartment. It’s
kind of like going shopping, your wife picks out ten pairs of shoes, you tell
her that three will do, she agrees to buy eight, but somehow checks out with
twelve. You smile and pretend not to notice, simply so you may live to fight
another day.

I
was married to a Georgia girl before, picking a coat to make the D.C. trip
would have been an easy thing after all a fur lined jean jacket goes with everything.
For my wife, it was a life altering decision. She wanted to take five, for a
three day trip, but ultimately settled on four. One pair of pajama’s turned
into four, and several brushes, a lamp and whatever could be placed in the car,
when I wasn’t looking, made the trip home, as well. Here’s the crazy part, she
already has six brushes, I have one, every time she leaves the house, mine is
the one that goes with her.

Stuff
and the worrying over stuff causes too much stress. My poor wife tosses and
turns over the mental health of her stuff and as long as some of it is
relegated to live in the dungeon at the public storage building, she will
continue to have nightmares. We will continue to make visits at odd hours to comfort
its contents. I’m not sure her stuff feels any better after our visit, but she
does and after all isn’t that what counts?