The late, great Zig Ziglar said, “Never allowing your spouse to leave the house without being well kissed.”
What exactly is a kiss? On the one hand, it is a sloppy affair that transfers more germs than a handshake which is no small feat. Scientists say a single kiss can transfer up to one billion bacteria; however they also say that kisses are extremely unlikely to transfer diseases.
On the other hand, a kiss is an outward expression of love, passion and affection. A kiss can be God’s kiss, the breath of life, or the kiss of death, a Judas kiss. In many cultures, it is believed that a kiss is the mixing of two souls; those cultures believe that a kiss is the only possible way to merge the souls of the living.
It is also believed that kissing is the result of repressed memories of breast feeding. I can certainly believe that has something to do with my and other men’s obsession with kissing. Wait, I wasn’t breast fed, we won’t go into that, that’s another story entirely.
The popular insult, kiss my mule, you get what I mean, has been around since the seventeen hundreds and is believed to have been started because, as Christians kiss the Pope’s feet, devil worshipers kiss satin’s backside.
The handshake is on the way out, being replaced by the knuckle bump, the kiss, however, will never die. I’ve said this too many times to count, like when my wife or girlfriend had a cold, “I don’t care, whatever you got, I want it.” And it’s true, if a kiss is going to kill me, I might as well die with a smile spreading across freshly kissed lips.
There are many types of kisses, and they seem to progress throughout life from one type to another and then slowly recede back to where they began. Everyone remembers the kisses from aunt Ruby. The Romans referred to these type kisses as Osculum kisses. They were preceded by a pinch on the cheek, and then followed by a tussle of the hair. The kiss in the middle, while meant to be harmless, left waxy red lipstick, dubious crusties from the corner of the mouth and nightmares which lasted a lifetime.
Next came the Basium kiss, this type of kiss, a kiss directly on the lips, caused quite another reaction altogether. You discover this type of kiss and then understand immediately, while kissing is directly related to the mind; it also affects other various and assorted parts of the body as well. When you kiss, the souls might mingle, but other things tingle, you decide which outweighs which.
Then on some fateful night, in the back seat of a car, you discover the Savolium kiss, the deep kiss. It’s jam-packed with newly discovered feeling, meanings and consequences. This kiss might involve red lipstick too, but it will taste divine and add unimaginably volatility.
Here, the male discovers the one true purpose of his life. After he has experienced one of these sloppy, devil be cared kisses, he comes to believe, once he has kissed one girl, well he simply must kiss them all. You can take that idea as far as your imagination will comfortably allow you to go. He will spend the rest of his life pursuing many types of activities, but most of his motivation will come from sloppy kisses and the even sloppier relationships which result from those kisses. The female will enjoy the kiss as much as the male, but because of societal idiocy, she will spend the rest of her life acting as if she does not and running simply for the sake of being pursued. Why is everything fun, immoral or illegal?
The family of man can trace all its successes and failures, throughout history, to kissing and all it entails or to the want of a kiss. Kingdoms have rose and then fallen due to the kissing adventures of both, men and women. This will never change, as kissing, being only the start of things, will never be denied. The beginning kiss and the ending kiss, with all that comes in the middle, is what make the world go round. I don’t know about you, but I like the world round.
Eventually, as age begins to slow us down, kisses reverts back to an old woman with red lipstick kissing an old man who wants red lipstick, on the cheek. The crusties are gone or at least he no longer notices them. They have been replaced by little drops of honey he’s discovered over the years.
Hershey’s kisses are plenty sweet, but they will never compare to the kisses of the one you love, or the one you’d love to love. Parting thought, Hershey’s kissed contain over twenty calories, real kisses burn six. Happy Valentine’s Day and kiss on wid ya bad self.