.

How to be a 'Superdad' after Divorce

Maintaining a positive relationship is vital to help strengthen a father’s relationship with his children.

Dads, just like moms, hold lasting impressions on their children’s development into adulthood. Kids’ experiences with their parents—either sweet or sour—affect them mentally and emotionally for a lifetime.  

As a father of two little girls, I take my role as “Superdad” very seriously. So, after my divorce a few years ago, I tried extra hard to maintain my relationship with my children as much as I could on the weekends, holidays, and summer visitations. Unfortunately, I quickly became a “Disneyland” dad but saw the light when I noticed them wanting more, more… and more. Also, their view of me transformed from “father” into their bigger “bud.”  There was no balance.

Through research, personal experience, and frustrations, I learned some valuable lessons to help strengthen a father’s relationship with his children. Here are three major tidbits:

  • Be your child’s friendly father, but always remember “father” comes first. It’s ok to tell your kids, “No.” You may be labeled as the bad guy, but being a bad guy is fine when you know it’s best for your children. If I were to say, “Yes,” to my five-year-old all the time, she would not have teeth. She and sweets, like candy and ice cream, are best friends. She would love to hang out with them all the time.  
  • Take a seat in their world. Ask your children questions about their everyday life.  “What happened at recess today?” Show interest in their lives, thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Warning, dads, don’t tune out because they may ask you an important question that could indicate trouble. Listen to what your child says as well as what they don’t say. Dads, remember to watch their body language, too.
  • Play nice… and fair. It’s best to be cordial and cooperative with your children’s mom for the sake of everyone involved. Take your own mother’s advice and always try to be nice. Kids are always watching, and they can decipher the tension between you and your ex. Also, as much as you can control, never allow anyone to speak negatively of your children’s mother while they are around, even if you agree. That’s still their mom, and their view of “Superdad” may change drastically. It’s all about doing the right thing.  

As previously mentioned, these are just some of my lessons learned. Invest love, patience, consistency, and attention into your kids’ lives. You will reap the rewards of a true “Superdad” with healthy, happy children.

Lance Brooks is a father of two daughters and co-owner of Lance Brooks International. Lance Brooks International will be conducting a seminar for divorced/separated fathers at the Smyrna Community Center on Thursday, April 14 at 6 pm. For more information, click here

Briandaniel March 23, 2011 at 05:06 PM
A NEW Positive Divorce Recovery Book for Your Website Members Thanks for a chance to help someone here today! My book is all about my own personal experiences with divorce and how I was able to see the upsides in my second chance at life which helped me to make a GREAT recovery. You can do it too! My book can help your marriage by showing you the difficult issues you will face. And, if you must divorce, my book can help you make a great recovery, just like I did! I have just published a book on divorce recovery called "Yes, There Is an Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life!" You can search "upside of divorce" on Amazon and read the great reviews I have there. One of my top 5-Star ratings is from Tracy, who is the owner of a national web support group called Woman’s Divorce (com). My book has a more positive approach to divorce recovery and also goes further about how to make a happier and more enjoyable life after divorce. Book Discounts are available on my own website, Self-Help-Products-and-Services (com) where you can save $4 to $7 off Amazon’s costs per book. Again, Thanks for a chance here to help someone. Brian Daniel http://www.Self-Help-Products-and-Services.com Email: james@self-help-products-and-services.com Do you need to be thrifty after your divorce/separation? See the discounted Guaranteed MONEY ideas on this website too!

Boards

More »
Got a question? Something on your mind? Talk to your community, directly.
Note Article
Just a short thought to get the word out quickly about anything in your neighborhood.
Share something with your neighbors.What's on your mind?What's on your mind?Make an announcement, speak your mind, or sell somethingPost something
See more »