Mirror, Mirror...

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Flaws? Imperfections? 

How do you define what you see? 

The response to a series posted recently on YouTube by teens asking the question, “Am I Ugly?” shows clearly – by 3 million hits – that these questions are key for our young people.  And, the most popular news report from the February 22nd edition of NBC Nightly News heightens the challenge young men face in a piece on the rising occurrence of eating disorders in males ages 12-25.

At the heart of the issue lies self-image. The image someone sees in the mirror and whether he or she compares that image to the pictures jumping out at them from the media. 

After all, what’s a good standard for evaluating one’s self-image?

In my early twenties, a local modeling agency was looking for "petite"  models. Since I’m just over 5’4” I fit the description and decided to apply. The director of the agency looked me up and down, smiled and then unleashed her evaluation. My hair was the wrong color for my complexion, my nose was too big, my eyes were too small, my mouth was out of proportion, my neck was too long, and on. It was devastating! I didn’t cry then, but I sure did when I got out to my car. When I arrived home I went directly to a mirror to confirm all of her criticisms. 

After I finished crying, it occurred to me that I could reframe the image this director had of me before I unwittingly accepted it. Even as a teen, I knew it would take consistent effort every day to do this in my own thinking.  

I knew, from learning about God and his image since I was a small child, that the creations of God are associated with beauty. I had experienced the value of turning to God to find answers. I opened a Bible and as I read I realized that the physical descriptions of various people were very sparse. And, many times, there is no physical description but rather one of qualities or character. For example, in the Old Testament book of Ruth, her actions define her character. We have no idea what she looked like. Rather, her fidelity and humility of character, her intelligence and her lovingkindness show that character is the true measure of a person.

Later, walking through an art museum, I realized various cultures and artists have interpreted the idea of beauty in very different ways. What’s desirable in one culture can be very different in another. Looking at myself, I realized that physical beauty is a series of passing phases and it wasn’t the most important thing. The key to me was my character.

I began to pray daily about growing more beautiful in character. To be joyful, vibrant, kind, humble, unselfish instead of critical, ungrateful, unkind, lazy or apathetic. Those qualities became the focus of my self-image, not the physical attributes. That daily reframing through prayer brought peace to my observations about myself. I began to judge myself on a different standard. How could I be more kind? How could I be more grateful? How could I help my neighbor more? 

I saw the agency director a few years after our initial meeting and she didn’t remember me. By then, I was working as a television news reporter. In the course of our conversation she had all positive comments on my look and presence in front of the camera. What had changed? I was looking in the mirror of character and even she could see the effects. It never was about too big, too small, too long, too anything.