Strung Out Between Mother's Day and Father's Day

The Mother’s Day flowers are long wilted and the Father’s Day cards practically wax poetic about barbecues. But the loving sentiments are not true for everyone, and these holidays can make family conflicts and estrangements even more painful. 

As children trace the trail of their problems, more often than not, they tend to land squarely in the lap of mom and dad. Mothers are blamed for either being too smothering or unavailable to fill the role of nurturer. Fathers are labeled as absent, abusive, or emotionally distant. This can leave children, even grown children, to grapple with more than who has mom’s eyes or dad’s nose.

It can also reveal deeper issues: individual identity and the desire to be happy and cope with the problems that hug the very core of being. Amazon.com lists more than a quarter of a million titles that fall under the category of self-help, including: self-esteem, personal transformation, success, happiness and stress management. This indicates a couple of points: there are people who have found their way through the maze of emotions to happiness and there is a market for people who are looking for their path through the maze. But all the self-help books or television shows or discussions can’t make the changes, they must come from inside.

The first step is to understand that each individual is responsible for themselves. Just think about this from a practical point of view. I can think about cleaning out a closet, but until I actually pull the stuff out, sort it and put it away, it’s still an unfulfilled plan.

For me, the largest part of growing up and establishing my identity was choosing to take responsibility for myself and making a definite choice to break away from the personality traits of my parents. This didn’t mean that I rejected them. I just wanted to see what God had in store for me by developing the qualities and talents God has given me. Nurturing my desire to be a better, happier, more secure person, I was inspired by Jesus, who established his credibility with his works, not just his words. He also defined the qualities needed to experience inner peace: humility, lovingkindness, joy, courage, patience...to name a few. I began cultivating these qualities starting with just one, joy.  I discovered that I was changing the pattern of my thought about myself. The immediate benefit was a great feeling of well-being.

So instead of being shackled by mom’s intense criticism or dad’s fiery temper, break loose and step out into a new way of looking at heredity.  Each one of us has the ability to discover the true meaning of mother and father by learning each one’s precious identity as an idea of God.